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The 11 Funniest Passive-Aggressive Kitchen Notes (Slideshow)

The 11 Funniest Passive-Aggressive Kitchen Notes (Slideshow)


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Some people just want to watch the world… learn their a lesson about the proper way to conduct themselves in society

The Search for the One True Dave

Apparently Dave failed to consider the existence of his fellow employee, other Dave, when making his menacing soda border. Other Dave, however, seems very appreciative of this gesture.

The (Rapidly Unraveling) Microwave Military

We’re not sure which note made it on this microwave first, but we’re guessing it’s the one regarding smelly foods. Then apparently, there was a threat hinting that the employees themselves might get microwaved? Another person is more concerned about the proper way to cook eggs, and yet another just thinks we should do away with electricity all together.

The Roommate Who isn't Looking for Eggs-Cuses

We’re not sure what time of the year it was when one roommate decided they’d had enough of the messy fridge, but we’d be doubly impressed if it were nowhere near Easter.

The Co-Worker Who Needs to Stake Out Her Territory

Poor Elaine; she was just trying to carve out a little piece of the office to use as her personal oasis. Unfortunately, Elaine’s coworkers do not appreciate being excluded, and they’ve started their own refrigerator club where everyone is welcome except Elaine.

The Disappointed Dinner Guest

We’re not sure the scene of this onion-based crime is a kitchen, but imagine if you spent all evening making a balanced meal for your kid brother while your parents took the night off, and he responded to your kindness with this extremely detail-oriented note?

The Employee Who Doesn't Feel the Need To Ever Visit the World's Fair

“Please stop and think of others (i.e. me),” begins this note from an employee who seems to think that he’s already had all the culinary diversity he’s ever going to need, and would appreciate it if his coworkers did not have life experiences or preferences that upset the delicate balance of his world.

The Roommate Who's Trying to Communicate with a Changing World

This aggrieved housemate is just trying to survive in a millennial world, whereas his or her roommates are more concerned with Internet memes than keeping house.

The Roommate Who is Sorry

This roommate would like to apologize several times over for creating a cleaning schedule in their head that was never discussed with the other roommates but they should still know better. Sorry.

The Dorm-Mate Who is Saving Something for You

This person found a piece of lettuce on the floor of the communal kitchen last week and wanted to teach a lesson about how to protect one’s valuables.

The Co-Worker Who Wants to Make Things Clear

This person would like you to know these simple instructions for the making of ice, because apparently everyone else is messing it up.

The Woman Who Will Be Watching for Her Co-Workers' Bodily Changes

This woman decided to get even with a water bottle thief by sacrificing her own hormonal balance to teach someone a lesson about our bodies, ourselves.


How To Make the Easiest Lasagna Ever

Lasagna is a once-a-year project for me. I love it deeply, but it’s rare that I can carve out time for it. When it does happen, it’s in the dead of winter when I have absolutely nothing else to do but spend the entire day in the kitchen.

While it’s impossible to beat the classic version — with a homemade ragu and, when I can manage it, homemade pasta — I’m all about an easier version that makes lasagna a much more frequent occurrence. This recipe is exactly that. This lasagna is about as low-lift as you can get while still achieving cheesy, crowd-pleasing results.


Don't want to mess with sterilizing jars and pickling things for weeks? Then learn to love the quick pickle.

. with homemade frosting, naturally.

Recipes you want to make. Cooking advice that works. Restaurant recommendations you trust.

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The nostalgic yellow cake flavor in cupcake form. If using a darker muffin tin, keep an eye on the edges—those pans encourage more browning, and you might end up removing these from the oven a few minutes earlier.

If you’re into chewier oatmeal-raisin cookies, reduce baking time by 2 minutes. For crispier, flatten them out a bit before baking.

Recipes you want to make. Cooking advice that works. Restaurant recommendations you trust.

© 2021 Condé Nast. All rights reserved. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement and Your California Privacy Rights. Bon Appétit may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. The material on this site may not be reproduced, distributed, transmitted, cached or otherwise used, except with the prior written permission of Condé Nast. Ad Choices


Decades Later, Salvador Dalí's Decadent Dream Dishes Are Awakened

The hostess is dressed as a unicorn, reclining on a red velvet bed. She's bottle-feeding a lion cub. Monkeys scurry around in the room, which was rented from the Hotel Del Monte in Monterey, Calif.

For dinner, guests are served dishes like a fish plated inside satin slippers or an engraved metal cloche lifted to reveal a tray of very jumpy frogs. While this may all sound like somebody's fever dream, this 1941 dinner was just one of many surrealist parties hosted by artist Salvador Dalí and his wife, Gala.

In 1973, Dalí immortalized these dinners in the book Les Diners de Gala. Only a few hundred costly copies of the original are left in existence, featuring 136 recipes as well as food photographs and original illustrations by Dalí. They're organized by course with a special section devoted to "aphrodisiacs," which hints at the fact that this is a decidedly PG-13 kind of cookbook. Now, for the first time in 43 years, art book publisher Taschen has reprinted Les Diners, bringing it to the kitchens of Pinterest-hungry hosts around the world.

It's not your average cookbook. It begins with the admonition that the recipes are "uniquely devoted to the pleasures of Taste." These are not meals you should rush to get on the dinner table or serve to someone who won't eat anything more adventurous than a hamburger. "If you are a disciple of one of those calorie-counters who turn the joys of eating into a form of punishment, close this book at once it is too lively, too aggressive, and far too impertinent for you." Reader beware.

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There's an entire chapter devoted to snail and frog dishes — with seven variations of snails alone. In a recipe for Steamed and Boiled Larks, Dalí instructs the cook to let the pot of artichoke hearts, marrow-bones and songbirds "boil joyfully." The preparation of Dalí's Avocado Toast would be unrecognizable to today's brunch-going crowd — it includes lamb brains, minced almonds and tequila all perched on top of rye bread. One recipe for a Bush of Crayfish doesn't even include a proper list of ingredients. Instead, Dalí notes, "After giving us this recipe the chef decided that he wanted to keep the exact ingredients a secret. We present the recipe anyway for its reading pleasure." Dalí wrote instructions for how to prepare the dish (including the names of many ingredients), but readers are left to figure out measurements for themselves.

Though it's Dalí's cookbook, not all of the recipes originated in the artist's kitchen. He thanks the chefs of famous Parisian establishments like Michelin-starred Lasserre and La Tour d'Argent, art-nouveau bistro Maxim's and historic railway restaurant Le Train Bleu — originally known as Buffet de la Gare de Lyon — for their "highly gastronomical recipes." But it's the presentation of the dish, not the recipe, that earns a place on the table of a surrealist dinner party.

The "Bush of crayfish" recipe didn't include measurements but instead says, "After giving us this recipe the chef decided that he wanted to keep the exact ingredients a secret." Taschen hide caption

The "Bush of crayfish" recipe didn't include measurements but instead says, "After giving us this recipe the chef decided that he wanted to keep the exact ingredients a secret."

While it may seem wacky to serve people a tree of cooked crawfish, an Oasis Leek Pie made to look like a palm tree beckoning from the desert, or bacon-wrapped eel stuffed inside of a fish, perhaps 2016 is the perfect time to reprint a surrealist cookbook. These recipes are tame compared with Instagram-friendly food trends like rainbow bagels, bloody marys topped with either a hamburger or an entire fried chicken (or both!) and a pizza inside of a pizza box made out of pizza. If Dalí were alive today, perhaps instead of painting he'd be creating something like the surrealist Instagram account @tasteofstreep, where photos of Meryl Streep are printed onto different foods.

Today, chefs quickly gain fame — if not fortune — by watching their concoctions go viral as food trends. As Dalí once said, "At the age of 6 I wanted to be a cook. At 7 I wanted to be Napoleon. And my ambition has been growing steadily ever since." Perhaps from beyond the grave, becoming an Instagram celebrity is Dalí's newest goal.

In 1941, entertainer Bob Hope gets a taste of what it's like to sample a surreal spread hosted by eccentric Spanish artist Salvador Dalí and his wife, Gala, at the Hotel Del Monte in Monterey, Calif.


Parmesan oven risotto

I’ve always struggled with risotto, the classic Northern Italian rice dish that gets creamy from slow cooking in broth. Even when I’ve accepted the work involved — most recipes tell you to separately have a pot of warm broth and to ladle it in, stirring, for the better part of an hour — the flavor, which often tastes odd to me when I used non-homemade broth, or the texture, which seems perfect for about 5 minutes and then often too gloppy, throws me. And yet it’s one of the coziest things to make in the winter, and can even be used to distract children who believe that pasta is the only acceptable carb. The last year, as I’ve spent much time looking around my kitchen for simpler approaches to our favorite foods as we’ve been home for almost all of our meals [see: these tacos, this bolognese, this roast chicken, these cookies, this galette], I’ve realized that almost everything I believed was mandatory about risotto is not, and you can make this golden, cozy, rich bowl ignoring every “rule.” Lucky us.


Without further ado, here are four moderately controversial opinions about risotto:

  • You don’t need to stir and you don’t need to make it on a stovetop . Risotto is creamy because the rice varieties used are starchy and due to the larger amount of liquid used to cook it, and it will get this way even if you’re not ladling in half a cup of hot stock at a time and stirring vigorously the whole time. These days I put it in the oven, walk away, and do whatever I’d like with the cooking time, and I’d like a refund on all the stirring time in previous cooking years.
  • It’s better with water than a storebought stock. Risotto tends to concentrate flavors, and while the processed ingredients a boxed stock work fine in many complex soups, there are so few other flavors in risotto that I often find a tinny or off taste when I them exclusively as the liquid. With water, I find the other flavors I add more clear and pronounced, so a parmesan risotto like this one really tastes like parmesan.
  • There isn’t one single exactly correct liquid measurement . Years of watching contestants struggle on Top Chef with risotto ingrained in my head that perfectly cooked risotto should, when spooned onto a plate, puddle a bit, and not remain in a heap, and that even the best chefs struggle with this because the amount of liquid required almost always requires some adjusting at the end. You, however, will not because because whatever judges you have around your table already unconditionally love everything you make (lol) and also because you’ve read this first.
  • Vegetables on the side > vegetables in a risotto : When risotto is amazing, it’s because there’s a wonderful softness to the rice and a rich flavor. I’ve made a lot of mushroom, spring pea, and asparagus and/or greens risottos over the years before I realize I prefer my risottos uncluttered. Not only do I eat far more vegetables on the side than the couple ounces I could squeeze into a few cups of risotto, they’re almost always better when neither risotto-flavored nor textured. I love meals with contrast. Let risotto be risotto — creamy and luxe — and crisp sautéed mushrooms, garlicky greens, lemony, minty peas either spooned on top at the end or nestled alongside the creamy rice.

Previously

Parmesan Oven Risotto

  • Servings: 4 to 6
  • Time: 50 minutes
  • Source: Smitten Kitchen
  • 1 tablespoon (15 grams) olive oil or unsalted butter
  • 1 medium white or yellow onion, finely chopped
  • 3 garlic cloves, minced
  • 1/2 cup (120 ml) dry white wine, 1/3 cup (80 ml) dry vermouth, or 2 tablespoons (30 ml) white wine or champagne vinegar
  • Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
  • A couple parmesan rinds, if you have (optional, see Note)
  • 5 cups (1.2 liters) water
  • 1 cup (195 grams) uncooked arborio, carnaroli, or another short-grained rice, such as sushi rice
  • 3 tablespoons (45 grams) unsalted butter, divided
  • 3/4 to 1 cup (about 85 to 90 grams) grated parmesan cheese

Make risotto: In 4-quart Dutch oven or deep, oven-safe saucepan with a lid, heat oil over medium heat. Add onion and garlic and cook until softened, about 4 minutes.

If you’re using parmesan rinds and have 10 minutes to spare: Add wine or vinegar to onion and garlic and cook until it boils off. Add water, 2 teaspoons kosher salt, many grinds of black pepper, and your parmesan rinds and bring the mixture to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, cover pot, and simmer 8 to 10 minutes. This gives the rinds a chance to infuse the broth a bit more deeply before making the risotto. Leave the rinds in the pot, add the rice, and give it a stir. Replace the lid, and transfer the pot to the oven.

If you’re not using parmesan rinds, or you’re using them but are in more of a hurry: Add rice to onion and garlic mixture and cook, toasting gently, for 2 minutes. Add wine or vinegar to rice mixture and cook until it boils off. Add 5 cups water, 2 teaspoons kosher salt, many grinds of black pepper, and parmesan rinds (if using) and bring mixture to a simmer. Place lid on pot and transfer to the oven.

Both methods: Bake risotto in the oven for 25 to 30 minutes, or until most of the liquid is absorbed, but it looks a tiny bit watery.

To finish: Transfer pan to a trivet or cooling rack on your counter. Remove lid, fish out and discard parmesan rinds, and stir mixture for 2 minutes, or until the mixture looks more creamy and risotto-like. Taste and adjust seasonings, adding more salt and pepper to your taste. Add most (about 2 1/2 tablespoons) of the butter to the risotto and stir well to combine. Reserve 1/4 cup grated cheese to finish, and add the rest — using the smaller amount for a moderate parmesan flavor and the larger amount for a more robust one, stirring to just combine.

To serve: Scoop into a serving bowl. Finish with remaining pat of butter, more black pepper, and reserved cheese.


Best Ceramic: Le Creuset Heritage Loaf Pan

Beautiful design and color variety

Stoneware retains heat evenly

Safe for oven, broiler, freezer, and microwave

Can chip if dropped or banged on a hard surface

The brand Le Creuset might be best known for its vibrant enameled Dutch ovens, but its stoneware collection also performs exceptionally well. “Ceramic heats evenly and can be very sturdy,” says Durso, who likes to use her Le Creuset loaf pan for baking bread. “ Bonus points for the beautiful pop of color it can give your kitchen!”

The Heritage Loaf Pan, made of high-fired stoneware, is a solid addition to your bakeware collection and is gorgeous to boot. This vintage-inspired design features stylish scalloped handles for easy transport from the oven to the table, and it comes in a number of colors. Thanks to a durable enamel-glaze finish, it will resist stains, odors, and scratches and is also easy to clean. It is safe for use in the oven, freezer, and microwave, and can withstand up to 500 degrees.


30 Best Acorn Squash Recipes for a Healthy Addition to Your Fall Dinners

Add a nutritious dish to your fall dinner rotation with one of these acorn squash recipes. If you're not really familiar with the good-for-you gourd, it's on the sweeter side and can be enjoyed in a variety of ways. If you're looking for an unexpected side dish to serve at Thanksgiving dinner, we recommend the honey butter roasted squash with burrata and pomegranate. How delicious does that sound? Another great option is the maple roasted acorn squash with pecans. (In fact, that version could even double as a savory autumn dessert!)

These basked and roasted acorn squash ideas would also easily work as entrées. The sausage and kale stuffed acorn squash or the beef enchilada stuffed acorn squash are both hearty enough to keep you full long after you've left the dinner table. For the vegetarians and vegans out there, there are a handful of meatless recipes on this list too, including the cranberry pecan quinoa stuffed acorn squash with goat cheese crema and the wild rice and mushroom stuffed acorn squash. And believe it or not, there's even a breakfast recipe on this list: acorn squash with granola, yogurt, and nut butter. Yes, there really is an acorn squash recipe on this roundup to make for any meal of day!



Hummingbird cake

I know, I know: We’re still in a global pandemic. It’s no time for party-sized cakes. Passover is in three days and those who celebrate it don’t want to be tempted by forbidden baked goods. But it had been so long since I’d made a towering and abundantly festive layer cake and ever since spotting this hummingbird cake in Zoë François’s fantastic — like, just go buy it right now, you are in for a treat — new cookbook, Zoë Bakes Cakes, I couldn’t think about anything else. It feels forward-looking and spring-celebrational. It is deliciously warm and happy, almost defiant, planning for a brighter year ahead, no matter what the one before it looked like. And so I went all in and made a three-layer celebration cake and flung slices off with friends and neighbors and have absolutely no regrets, except for the fact that it’s gone now.


This cake has a history, too. The tiny, fluttery hummingbird is the national bird of Jamaica (where it’s called the Doctor Bird), which is where this cake originated. The best-known recipe for this abundantly-moist and fragrant pineapple, banana, and pecan cake was submitted to Southern Living in 1978 by Mrs. L.H. Wiggins of Greensboro, North Carolina, and almost every rendition of the cake I’ve found follows a similar formula, because it’s clearly too good to be messed with. Zoe’s uses a little less oil, and a smidge less banana, although I added a little back. I added some allspice because I love the way it rounds things out, and use my own cream cheese frosting, with much less sugar than usual. I’ve tweaked it to make it one-bowl, and if you have a food processor, you don’t even need to bother warming up the butter and cream cheese for the frosting. I want this to be easy, because I’ve found (in blowing up group text with “who is around and hungry for a cake sample”) we could all go for a little extra joy right now and Zoë gets it, too: “A cake can turn a Tuesday into an occasion. There is no day that can’t be made better with a little slice.”


Passover-friendlier cakes: I didn’t forget. ) Here are four of my favorite (dairy) cakes I make on Passover each are what I consider objectively good — they’re delicious enough to eat any week of the year, whether or not you need a flourless dessert:

Previously

Hummingbird Cake

  • Servings: 12
  • Time: 90 minutes
  • Source:Adapted from Zoë Bakes Cakes by Zoë François
Cake layers
Filling and frosting

In a large bowl, whisk together the sugar, oil, eggs, vanilla, and salt until evenly mixed. Add the pineapple and banana and whisk to combine. Sprinkle the top of the batter with baking soda, cinnamon, and allspice, if using, and whisk them thoroughly into the batter, giving it several more stirs than seems necessary. Add the flour and nuts and stir to combine.

Divide the batter between the prepared pans — each will hold about 2 cups or 600 grams of the batter — and spread evenly using a small offset spatula. Gently tap the pans on the counter a few times to release excess air bubbles.

Bake: Cake layers until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 22 to 25 minutes. If you’re not in a rush, you can let the cakes cool completely in the pans.

Make the frosting: [Food processor instructions at the end.] In the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment or with a handmixer, beat the cream cheese on low speed until it’s smooth and there are no lumps. Scrape down the bowl and paddle or beaters often. Add the butter to the cream cheese and continue mixing until smooth, scraping often. You want to make sure none of the cream cheese or butter is sticking to the paddle, or it may end up creating lumps. Mix in the vanilla and/or lemon juice, and milk. Slowly add the confectioners’ sugar and continue mixing until smooth.

Assemble and frost: Run a knife around the edge of the first cake layer, then flip the cake out upside-down, remove the parchment paper, and flip it back onto a serving plate. If it’s domed a lot, you might use a serrated knife to level it for more even stacking. Spread a 1/4-inch-thick layer of the frosting over the cake, making sure it goes all the way to the edges. Place the next cake over the frosting (again, leveling it for a more even appearance, if necessary) and top with another layer of the frosting. Repeat with the last cake layer I like to place this one upside-down for the flattest cake top.

If desired, at this point, you could crumb-coat the cake. Coat the sides and top of the cake with a thin layer of the frosting and chill the cake until the frosting is firm to the touch, 20 to 30 minutes. This will keep the crumbs of the cake from getting into the final frosting. Use remaining frosting to evenly coat the sides and top of the cake. Decorate with chopped pecans.

Serve: In wedges. Cutting the cake in a gentle sawing motion with a serrated knife will keep nuts from tearing the cake as you press down. Keep leftovers in the fridge. If you have time before serving it, letting the cake warm up at room temperature for 30 minutes before makes the texture even more plush.

A few notes:
Nuts: The cake contains chopped pecans. I know nuts in cakes are divisive and you’re welcome to skip them or replace them with an equal weight of dried, flaked coconut. For the best flavor and crunch, toast and cool your nuts before using them.

– Food processor frosting: If you have a food processor, you can start with cold cream cheese and butter, cut into cubes. First add the sugar and salt to the food processor work bowl, followed by the butter. Blend until the butter and sugar is fully mixed — look for finely minced and beginning to clump. Add the cream cheese and blend until it’s fully mixed you’ll want to scrape down the bowl a couple times to avoid clumps of unmixed cream cheese. Add the milk or cream and vanilla and blend until very smooth.

Scaling this down: This, and all 9-inch round cakes, i.e. the overwhelming majority of SK cakes, halve neatly in 6-inch cake pans, making an absolutely adorable smaller-scale layer cake. I think you should treat yourself to a set of 6-inch cake pans. They’re fairly inexpensive, especially given the joy they yield. Bake 6-inch cakes at the same temperature, and start checking for doneness after the halfway point in the baking time.

– You can also scale this down to a thin one-layer party cake (like we make here and here), using 1/3 of everything. You can bake it in a single 8- or 9-inch round or 8-inch square.


Watch the video: Εισαγωγή στις 5 μυήσεις του Ιησού Χριστού (July 2022).


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